Regular readers may notice the new newsweekly-ish banner at the top right of our main page. We are proud to have it there and it will remain until it comes true or is no longer feasible.
The banner is also a link, and if you hit it, you'll be able to see Standing Eight's first publicity on the web, viz. our inclusion on the (very very long,) list of blogs sporting the banner. We've just taken our first step into a larger world.
31 December 2005
30 December 2005
Why 'Family' is a Dirty Word
The WaPo finally got around to explaining exactly why Leader DeLay is such a dirty dirty little boy, (See It Now) basically recapping what Al Franken has been saying since his show went on the air. Franken fans know that DeLay called Marianas Islands sweatshop owners, who were basically slave traders and pimps, (See It Now) fine examples of American ingenuity and "a shining light for what is happening to the Republican Party, and you represent everything that is good about what we are trying to do in America and leading the world in the free-market system"
(For those who didn't know, the Marianas Islands are an "American Protectorate" which means that clothes made there can carry the Made in the USA label even though the workers are not afforded the same protections you have in your job. Or any protections, for that matter. Abramoff and DeLay made a lot of money fighting to keep it that way.)
There's enough stink to go around on this one that we will not dig any deeper into it here, (the WaPo article is well worth a read,) but the WaPo did note something that conforms to a prejudice we've held for a long time:
Political organizations with the words "Family" and/or "Values" in their names are evil.
DeLay "had close ties" to the "US Family Network", which purported to be a nationwide grassroots organization, but was actually funded entirely by corporations "linked to" Abramoff. (Interesting Tidbit: fake grassroots organizations that are actually funded by one or two rich jerks are known as "Astroturfing" organizations, a new piece of jargon that deserves a late-entry Standy.) And of course James Dobson's "American Family Association" would be more appropriately named "Queerbashers Less-than-Anonymous" or what have you. And we were particularly struck when in the heat of the campaign last year, the "Traditional Values Council" started propagating the story of some democrat circulating an anti-Bush flyer that was also an anti-special-Olympian flyer, which story was revealed to be not just a hoax, but a republican dirty trick (no one believed us then, but we have it solid now.)
We are willing to be proved wrong on our "Family" and "Values" thesis, but we doubt you can name three undeniably good organizations using those words. And don't try The Family Circus, because those ghosts the kids see are definitely satanic icons.
(For those who didn't know, the Marianas Islands are an "American Protectorate" which means that clothes made there can carry the Made in the USA label even though the workers are not afforded the same protections you have in your job. Or any protections, for that matter. Abramoff and DeLay made a lot of money fighting to keep it that way.)
There's enough stink to go around on this one that we will not dig any deeper into it here, (the WaPo article is well worth a read,) but the WaPo did note something that conforms to a prejudice we've held for a long time:
Political organizations with the words "Family" and/or "Values" in their names are evil.
DeLay "had close ties" to the "US Family Network", which purported to be a nationwide grassroots organization, but was actually funded entirely by corporations "linked to" Abramoff. (Interesting Tidbit: fake grassroots organizations that are actually funded by one or two rich jerks are known as "Astroturfing" organizations, a new piece of jargon that deserves a late-entry Standy.) And of course James Dobson's "American Family Association" would be more appropriately named "Queerbashers Less-than-Anonymous" or what have you. And we were particularly struck when in the heat of the campaign last year, the "Traditional Values Council" started propagating the story of some democrat circulating an anti-Bush flyer that was also an anti-special-Olympian flyer, which story was revealed to be not just a hoax, but a republican dirty trick (no one believed us then, but we have it solid now.)
We are willing to be proved wrong on our "Family" and "Values" thesis, but we doubt you can name three undeniably good organizations using those words. And don't try The Family Circus, because those ghosts the kids see are definitely satanic icons.
23 December 2005
If We're Friends Like This, Who Needs to Make us Enemies?
Our allies, the Italians, just won't play fair. All we tried to do was run a little tiny CIA black-bag op where we 'kidnapped' a 'suspected terrorist' off the Italian streets and 'rendered' him to an unknown locale where 'extraordinary measures' can be used by our 'surrogates' in 'interrogation', and now the Italians want to arrest all 22 of our operatives involved. Poor CIA, we only ever get to hear about their massive screw-ups, never the (alleged,) successes. See It Now.
C'mon Italy, be a pal. What if we promise to never do it again?
C'mon Italy, be a pal. What if we promise to never do it again?
A Prayer for James Dungy (and his family)
The news of (Indianapolis Colts' Head Coach,) Tony Dungy's son's suicide has splashed everywhere, so you may not be learning about it here. But if you're like most people you learned about it on Sportcenter, where they did a whitewash on the lad's personal history.
We understand that when someone dies it is customary and appropriate to focus on the positive (Nixon's funeral was an obvious example,) but the picture of a boy who "goes to church on Wednesday, twice on Sunday," and was in all respects perfect and pure does not mesh with our idea of what kind of person could kill himself in the 10 late-night minutes that his girlfriend went for a walk. So we did about thirty seconds of research and it turns out that there were two sides to the lad, and one, whether the dominant one or not, was quite dark. See It Now.
This does not mean James' death is not terrible, it clearly is. We cried when we learned. Tony has been one of our favorite figures in the NFL since his final game as Bucs Head Coach, when he coached a hell of a game, was robbed by the refs in the last seconds, but handled it all with unparalleled class. Our hearts go out to him, and though we don't pray often, we know the Dungys do, so our prayers are with them, too.
But tragedy is no reason to lie. This kind of (supposedly,) benevolent lying is how the Pat Tilman and Jessica Lynch stories got ruined.
(It is our further hope that this issue (lying, not suicide,) may spur some conversation among you Eighters out there.)
We understand that when someone dies it is customary and appropriate to focus on the positive (Nixon's funeral was an obvious example,) but the picture of a boy who "goes to church on Wednesday, twice on Sunday," and was in all respects perfect and pure does not mesh with our idea of what kind of person could kill himself in the 10 late-night minutes that his girlfriend went for a walk. So we did about thirty seconds of research and it turns out that there were two sides to the lad, and one, whether the dominant one or not, was quite dark. See It Now.
This does not mean James' death is not terrible, it clearly is. We cried when we learned. Tony has been one of our favorite figures in the NFL since his final game as Bucs Head Coach, when he coached a hell of a game, was robbed by the refs in the last seconds, but handled it all with unparalleled class. Our hearts go out to him, and though we don't pray often, we know the Dungys do, so our prayers are with them, too.
But tragedy is no reason to lie. This kind of (supposedly,) benevolent lying is how the Pat Tilman and Jessica Lynch stories got ruined.
(It is our further hope that this issue (lying, not suicide,) may spur some conversation among you Eighters out there.)
22 December 2005
The Standys (tm) Calendar-Replacement-Time Recognitions!
Please note that the Standy is not a year-end award. We would never do anything so tacky.
And the Standy goes to:
Best Remora on the Media Shark: Ken Auletta's pre-mortem on the NY Times' worst century yet. See It Now.
Exemplary CYA (Democrat Division): Senator Rockefeller in his secret letter to Cheney re the President's Program: "I am retaining a copy of this letter in a sealed envelope in the secure spaces of the Senate Intelligence Committee to ensure that I have a record of this communication."
Exemplary CYA (Republican Division): Too easy.
Best Impression of A Democrat: Senator Feingold
Best Impression of a Republican: Senator Lieberman
Best New Face: The lady in France with the new face.
Best Resignation in Protest: Judge James Robertson, formerly of the FISA court.
Best Book to Inspire a George Clooney Movie: 'See No Evil' by Bob Baer
Best George Clooney Movie: Good Night and Good Luck
Funniest Movie On Purpose: The 40-Year-Old Virgin ("Yeah, and sarcasm is like a second language to me, so I am right there with you.")
Funniest Movie Not On Purpose: Brokeback Mountain (Those two dudes totally make out.)
Reporters of the Year: Risen and Lichtblau (mainstream) JM Marshall and Jason Leopold (blog)
And the Standy goes to:
Best Remora on the Media Shark: Ken Auletta's pre-mortem on the NY Times' worst century yet. See It Now.
Exemplary CYA (Democrat Division): Senator Rockefeller in his secret letter to Cheney re the President's Program: "I am retaining a copy of this letter in a sealed envelope in the secure spaces of the Senate Intelligence Committee to ensure that I have a record of this communication."
Exemplary CYA (Republican Division): Too easy.
Best Impression of A Democrat: Senator Feingold
Best Impression of a Republican: Senator Lieberman
Best New Face: The lady in France with the new face.
Best Resignation in Protest: Judge James Robertson, formerly of the FISA court.
Best Book to Inspire a George Clooney Movie: 'See No Evil' by Bob Baer
Best George Clooney Movie: Good Night and Good Luck
Funniest Movie On Purpose: The 40-Year-Old Virgin ("Yeah, and sarcasm is like a second language to me, so I am right there with you.")
Funniest Movie Not On Purpose: Brokeback Mountain (Those two dudes totally make out.)
Reporters of the Year: Risen and Lichtblau (mainstream) JM Marshall and Jason Leopold (blog)
21 December 2005
Hate Crime or Botched Terrorism? You, The Jury, Decide.
(Actually, it's a hate crime. Sorry if the tease dragged you in.) Explosions at a Cincinnati Mosque, a couple hours after evening prayers. See It Now.
Since no one was hurt, we feel reasonably justifed in finding this quote hilarious (italics ours):
"As of right now, we can't make any comment on the size or the type of explosive," Brooks said. He also said authorities wouldn't speculate on why the buildings, both used as mosques, were targeted.
Gee, what would they be speculating if they would speculate?
We do so wonder.
Remember you heard it here first. Unless you didn't.
Since no one was hurt, we feel reasonably justifed in finding this quote hilarious (italics ours):
"As of right now, we can't make any comment on the size or the type of explosive," Brooks said. He also said authorities wouldn't speculate on why the buildings, both used as mosques, were targeted.
Gee, what would they be speculating if they would speculate?
We do so wonder.
Remember you heard it here first. Unless you didn't.
20 December 2005
We love 'the protest quit'
A few readers have asked The Eight why we haven't bit on this 'NSA story' much or at all, (Hint: it's not an NSA story, it's a White House story.) Frankly we consider it dog-bites-man news. We would more or less have assumed that Bush had been spying on us since September 11 if not before. We were more amused by the feigned shock and outrage on the left (and in the middle,) than by BushCo's thin excuses (which were also amusing.)
It maybe bears repeating that: 1) We are devoted Orwellians here at The Eight, and so not at all surprised to learn that 'the big ear' has turned inward, as executive power expands, as we move slowly but unceasingly to the state of permanent war that Cheney has always desired. And also: 2) Personal notions of, and eventually functional definitions of, 'privacy' are going to change a lot in the next 50 years. It's unavoidable (see David Brin's "Earth" for more.) For those two and other subordinate reasons, Standing Eight would have persisted in saying that 'the NSA story' is a non-story, until we saw this: See It Now.
A judge of the newly famous FISA court has resigned in protest over 'the President's Program.' (Or is it his pogrom?) Standing Eight are longtime fans of, participants in and advocates for the 'protest quit' of all stripes, and this is a big one. It will make it very difficult for the administration to continue to play the law-abiding tough guys, (the Pat Fitzgeralds of domestic eavesdropping, if you will,) and may (partially,) paint them into a corner as to which defenses are available to them.
We still don't think this will 'bring down' the prez or anyone else, and we won't be surprised if somehow he skates right past it and comes out clean on the other side. But big-ups nonetheless to Judge James Robertson. Keep your eyes peeled, JR, you just might be in line for a Standy Calendar-Replacement-Time Recognition
(Coming soon to Standing Eight: The 'Standys' Calendar-Replacement-Time Recognitions, which are in no way similar to year-end awards, so don't lump us in with those losers.)
It maybe bears repeating that: 1) We are devoted Orwellians here at The Eight, and so not at all surprised to learn that 'the big ear' has turned inward, as executive power expands, as we move slowly but unceasingly to the state of permanent war that Cheney has always desired. And also: 2) Personal notions of, and eventually functional definitions of, 'privacy' are going to change a lot in the next 50 years. It's unavoidable (see David Brin's "Earth" for more.) For those two and other subordinate reasons, Standing Eight would have persisted in saying that 'the NSA story' is a non-story, until we saw this: See It Now.
A judge of the newly famous FISA court has resigned in protest over 'the President's Program.' (Or is it his pogrom?) Standing Eight are longtime fans of, participants in and advocates for the 'protest quit' of all stripes, and this is a big one. It will make it very difficult for the administration to continue to play the law-abiding tough guys, (the Pat Fitzgeralds of domestic eavesdropping, if you will,) and may (partially,) paint them into a corner as to which defenses are available to them.
We still don't think this will 'bring down' the prez or anyone else, and we won't be surprised if somehow he skates right past it and comes out clean on the other side. But big-ups nonetheless to Judge James Robertson. Keep your eyes peeled, JR, you just might be in line for a Standy Calendar-Replacement-Time Recognition
(Coming soon to Standing Eight: The 'Standys' Calendar-Replacement-Time Recognitions, which are in no way similar to year-end awards, so don't lump us in with those losers.)
People riding in a hole in the ground temporarily suspended
We'll put our dollars against your doughnuts (if you promise not to tell,) that O'Reilly calls the transit strike in NYC, "part of a coordinated campaign by these liberal, secular ACLU wackos, to obliterate our holy feast of Christmas. Jesus Christ I hate these god-damned liberals." (Sorry language police, that's O'Reilly talking, not us.)
We will not, however, monitor O'Reilly to see if these predictions come to pass. And he may be off for vacation, vigilantly observing the birth of our lord. We can just see the look on his face as he opens up his new loofah.
And what a stupid way to spell O'Riley, are we right folks? (My spellchecker calls him oriole behind his back. Snicker snicker.)
We will not, however, monitor O'Reilly to see if these predictions come to pass. And he may be off for vacation, vigilantly observing the birth of our lord. We can just see the look on his face as he opens up his new loofah.
And what a stupid way to spell O'Riley, are we right folks? (My spellchecker calls him oriole behind his back. Snicker snicker.)
Hello to the NSA agent who's job requires that he read Standing Eight Count
And our apologies. No one should be compelled to read anything after high school.
And hello to the rest of you. Did you hear yet, through your own intelligence agencies that the NSA case is about "more than wiretapping"? Our informant Kevin Drum has the skinny: See It Now. What's that? No intelligence agency? Why they're the hottest thing for Holiday, and they're easier to get a hold of than the Xbox 360. Standing Eight just opened it's spy agency in [DATE EXPUNGED] and it already rivals the Mossad.
How long will it take for this angle to end up in the 'mainstream' press? Our odds makers place the over-under at Friday. (And just kidding, Mossad, lighten up.)
And hello to the rest of you. Did you hear yet, through your own intelligence agencies that the NSA case is about "more than wiretapping"? Our informant Kevin Drum has the skinny: See It Now. What's that? No intelligence agency? Why they're the hottest thing for Holiday, and they're easier to get a hold of than the Xbox 360. Standing Eight just opened it's spy agency in [DATE EXPUNGED] and it already rivals the Mossad.
How long will it take for this angle to end up in the 'mainstream' press? Our odds makers place the over-under at Friday. (And just kidding, Mossad, lighten up.)
11 December 2005
Novak and Luskin and Rove (oh my!)
Here's the long awaited 1st-person piece by Viveca Novak on what she told Fitzy. It's more or less what the scuttlebutt had said it would be, viz. ambiguous enough to keep both sides hopeful. It's not great for those rooting for more indictments, but if Fitz is 75% as suspicious of Rove as we are (which he's almost got to be, it is his job, and he does seem to be good at it and quite dogged,) then it shouldn't be entirely exculpatory. It's more likely that Rove/Luskin's cover story is just that, cover. Of vital importance now are the phone logs in Rove's office, and the Ralston angle. Now another longish wait begins to see what will be Fitzy's next move. We are lead to believe that he will be presenting the V. Novak deposition to the grand jury; from there your guess is as good as anyone else's, including Novak and Luskin and Rove (and Ralston and Hadley and Bush, and Libby and Cheney and Bob, oh my oh my oh my.) The 'Bob' there being Woodward or Novak, take your pick if you can tell them apart anymore.
The Time article notes dryly that "by mutual agreement," V. Novak is on a leave of absence.
The Time article notes dryly that "by mutual agreement," V. Novak is on a leave of absence.
10 December 2005
Corporate Punishment (or: traum arbeit no longer frei)
According to Jayson Blair and Judy Miller's former employer, Paramount (i.e. Viacom,) is going to buy Dreamworks. Wasn't it just 6 or 7 years ago that S. Spielberg and his cohorts (K and G,) founded Dreamworks to get away from the big studio thing, strike out on their own? Ah well, that's fine. Maybe flying solo wasn't the great lifelong artistic satisfaction they had hoped. Maybe they want to work for the same corporate bosses as Letterman and Imus. Maybe they want to go from being just obscenely wealthy to Scrooge MacDuck, drowning-in-krugerands wealthy. That's all right. We don't care.
American Beauty sure was a good movie, though.
Actually, perhaps we at Standing Eight will follow their lead. It's not much fun out here in the cyber-boonies being read only by a bunch of college friends and future in-laws (whazzup!!!) Maybe we'll enter negotiations to become the official leftish blog of the General Electric Corporation. (Slate is faux-left. Corporate left, if you will.)
We're sorry. We said some things in the heat of the moment that we didn't really mean. It's plenty o' fun out here in the boonies, and we love our readership. Forgive us?
American Beauty sure was a good movie, though.
Actually, perhaps we at Standing Eight will follow their lead. It's not much fun out here in the cyber-boonies being read only by a bunch of college friends and future in-laws (whazzup!!!) Maybe we'll enter negotiations to become the official leftish blog of the General Electric Corporation. (Slate is faux-left. Corporate left, if you will.)
We're sorry. We said some things in the heat of the moment that we didn't really mean. It's plenty o' fun out here in the boonies, and we love our readership. Forgive us?
09 December 2005
Feed Bag
Two-point-five items we'll just lead you to the water of today. Seeing as Standing Eight is a Utilitarian website, the choice to drink (or not,) is yours.
1) News From the Non-Integrating Gap (Know what that is?)
DATELINE IRAN -- Attention Holocaust Deniers: Iran's new whackjob president is one of you. That must make you feel good inside. See It Now. Technically most of what's quoted in this article would fall in Bradlee's "non-denial denial" category, but Standing Eight doesn't get caught in wringers about semantic hairsplitting when it comes to the Final Solution.
Also on the Iran front, (no prophecy intended,) turns out most (78) of the people who died in that plane crash a couple days ago were journalists, either going to or coming from some sort of military action/training/show. Nothing at all fishy about that. See It Now.
2) News from the Functioning Core (ID these references for a free steak dinner.)
DATELINE THE OTHER KANSAS CITY-- A kid at an "alternative high school" (read, "school for the 'bad kids'," if Kansas is anything like Texas,) was over-disciplined for the high crime of speaking Spanish... in the hall... between classes. His two word response, ("No problema,") to a friend's query, "Me prestas un dolar?" ['Will you lend me a dollar?'] apparently in Kansas City KS translates to a one-and-a-half day suspension. See It Now.
(Disclaimers: Yes, we realize that Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is not a whackjob, and that we'd probably be better off if he was. We further realize that a two day break from a Kansas alternative high school is something to be prayed for rather than feared. Does that invalidate the points we wish to emphasize here? We respectfully think not.)
And lest you start to think it's all bad news, from our Spoonful Of Sugar Department, here's a pretty picture of a rainbow. (Photo Credit: Standing Eight Count)
1) News From the Non-Integrating Gap (Know what that is?)
DATELINE IRAN -- Attention Holocaust Deniers: Iran's new whackjob president is one of you. That must make you feel good inside. See It Now. Technically most of what's quoted in this article would fall in Bradlee's "non-denial denial" category, but Standing Eight doesn't get caught in wringers about semantic hairsplitting when it comes to the Final Solution.
Also on the Iran front, (no prophecy intended,) turns out most (78) of the people who died in that plane crash a couple days ago were journalists, either going to or coming from some sort of military action/training/show. Nothing at all fishy about that. See It Now.
2) News from the Functioning Core (ID these references for a free steak dinner.)
DATELINE THE OTHER KANSAS CITY-- A kid at an "alternative high school" (read, "school for the 'bad kids'," if Kansas is anything like Texas,) was over-disciplined for the high crime of speaking Spanish... in the hall... between classes. His two word response, ("No problema,") to a friend's query, "Me prestas un dolar?" ['Will you lend me a dollar?'] apparently in Kansas City KS translates to a one-and-a-half day suspension. See It Now.
(Disclaimers: Yes, we realize that Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is not a whackjob, and that we'd probably be better off if he was. We further realize that a two day break from a Kansas alternative high school is something to be prayed for rather than feared. Does that invalidate the points we wish to emphasize here? We respectfully think not.)
And lest you start to think it's all bad news, from our Spoonful Of Sugar Department, here's a pretty picture of a rainbow. (Photo Credit: Standing Eight Count)
05 December 2005
George Washington made War on Christmas
We were frankly confused by all this hubbub about a war on Christmas, and amused by the Big Giant Head's assertion that the ACLU is anti-Christmas, (since they are after all there to protect our liberties, and what could be a more American exercise of liberty than Christmas?) But this article, (See It Now) or rather it's headline, "Ads Portray Nominee as Defender of Christmas" snapped it all into perspective. The "War on Christmas" is a subplot meant to preemptively frame the debate about Alito on issues where Alito's view is more "mainstream." Preempting and debate-framing of course are the only two rhetorical tools in the Bush shed, so it's perfect. Let's not talk about whether Mary would have had to inform Joseph (or God,) before attempting to abort the immaculate conception, let's talk about the manger scene on the City Hall lawn. Ignore the judge trying to turn the American Worker into Bob Cratchett, and concentrate on the long-awaited goose that symbolizes equally the never-arriving telos of the free market and Old Scrooge's deus ex machina change of heart.
And lest the administration catch wind of the goings on here at Standing Eight and call us commies, or libero-fascists, or purple people eaters, please let it be known that Standing Eight would like forevermore to be "portrayed as defenders of baseball, apple pie, and capitalism." But not George Will, Martha Stewart, or Leo Strauss.
Vanity Fair's Walcott has an interesting alternate take on the War on Christmas (we always call him VF's Walcott b/c it's an easy and cheap way of associating him with vanity, which we feel is appropriate. See It Now.)
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And lest the administration catch wind of the goings on here at Standing Eight and call us commies, or libero-fascists, or purple people eaters, please let it be known that Standing Eight would like forevermore to be "portrayed as defenders of baseball, apple pie, and capitalism." But not George Will, Martha Stewart, or Leo Strauss.
Vanity Fair's Walcott has an interesting alternate take on the War on Christmas (we always call him VF's Walcott b/c it's an easy and cheap way of associating him with vanity, which we feel is appropriate. See It Now.)
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"Literally the least we could do"
Below is a link to an E-Z online letter that will automatically go to your rep and senators urging them to support the McCain torture amendment with no exceptions or reservations. It's as easy as: 1)auto-fill 2)send, unless you're one of those crazy types that has to 3)read the things you attach your name to.
See It Now
See It Now
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